Dear younger self,
That guy you are totally into right now, you’re making a mistake.
A BIG MISTAKE.
I wish you would’ve quit pursuing and start waiting for a guy who is actually interested in getting to know you and pursing you. Each time a new dude comes into the picture, you give away part of your heart to a unknowing and slightly clueless man who has little interests of returning your affection.
Soon, when you finally realize that this is happening, you get hurt, you get angry, you let the evil emotion of bitterness fill your heart.
And I wish you would know that at times, it tears you apart. Deep within your heart, the one thing you should guard with all your might, is crumbling to the power of darkness. Even when others try to tell you to forgive and forget, it is still there, haunting you in the pitch blackness of night, when the flashbacks of the past often swirl around you, taunting your mind of youthful stupidness and/or selfishness. The foundation of your innocence is falling, crumbling, into an abyss of helplessness and God is the only thing that could tow you out of it.
That’s why grace is greater.
An overcoming force of heavenly composition that will create in you something that is out of the ruins of your broken and battered heart.
It will give your soul a new, unbreakable song of freedom.
Simply trust that a good man is to be found in this crazy thing called life. Somewhere, sometime, he will come along.
You just can’t wait for it,
chase after it,
or even expect it.
Because God wants you more than you think you need a guy.
And that love and affection is what you walk trustingly into.
Even when you get restless.
Even when you fight the leadership in the spiritual part of your journey with everything in you.
Even when you turn your eyes have turned away from the beautiful Grace.
He is still surrounding you with a love and affection that will never fade away. Ever.
Just hold on to Him with all of your strength and trust, and He will lead and even carry you in the ups and down of human nature and His glorious pursuit.
He knows the struggles and triumphs that will occur in life, for he is the Creator of life.
The lover of your soul.
Your Heavenly Father, King of Kings, forever and eternal love.
Sometimes you simply forget that in the haze that only can come to fruition by serving other idols and lovers.
It hardens your heart.
Ties you to you something that only breaks you down further, not building you up in any way, shape, or form.
But hold tight to Grace.
No matter how far you’ve wandered or how long you have been fighting something.
Take heart and hold on.
It’ll be worth it. Forever.
God’s got this. Always Remember that.
Sincerely and lovingly,
A Katie that is a little bit older and in need of an increasing amount of Grace.