A few years ago, just weeks before I embarked on my first journey as a small group leader, I made a decision to take a year and focus on what God had been calling and pulling me towards and not worry about guys. I was a baby Christian leading a small group. I was way out of my comfort zone. But sadly, the one year wait did little good because I started to get distracted and I let a guy in emotionally. My small group never got my 100%, my all. And not only was it not fair to my girls, it was not fair to God or myself.
But it’s been two years, I have matured, moved further in my walk. And God has given me a second chance that I simply cannot let waste away like the last attempt at being a leader.
So today, on Wednesday August 13th, 2014, I made an extremely important decision.
My girls, and more importantly, God, deserves and even requires my one hundred percent. He wants my passion, my heart, my eyes, my everything.
Therefore, I am challenging myself to focus on the ladies He is bringing into my life and changing into the person He is creating me to be.
Why am I doing this?
One, because I believe revival is coming to my family of believers. In this hellhole of darkness we often call society, I still firmly believe that there is still some good in this world, and He wants to illuminate the flame. We need to be the real deal instead of a disconnected group of believers who think everything is hunky dorry. God needs and even requires of us to be real, to reach to the lost and broken on our campus of over 35,000 students. It is so desperately needed.
Two, I am learning something important about myself and relationships. I cannot do what others try and do. I can’t just wait around and hope that a man will come along. I have spent the last seven years of my life doing exactly that. And I have had enough of it.
Why should I wait for a dude to come along to fulfill the dreams God is placing deep within me?
If He wants me to travel the seven seas, then so be it.
If He wants me to pack up my bags and travel across the world to speak life into a post-modern city and society, so be it.
If He wants me to speak truth and life into a girl on campus, so be it.
To summarize, He just needs me to be open to whatever He has in store for me. And I am ready.
I simply cannot wait around any longer. The line of desperate females looking for love and affection grows longer and longer around me in attempt to find a man to satisfy that deep longing in their hearts and I am tired of being classified as one of such women. He has called us to greater things than simply getting a MRS degree. Those longings will never be satisfied with a relationship, with a man. Only God can do that. Only He can TRULY fill that empty corner of our hearts that are constantly desperate to be touched by anything.
But God is ready to satisfy us. He wants to give us true satisfaction and joy instead of the fraud we think we need.
So I am picking up my very broken self and pointing myself in the direction of the vast unknown. He is guiding my first step. I simply need to leave everything behind on the shore. The waters may grow deep, but He is reliable, He is strong, He is the one who calls the waves by a name created by His masterful and creative hand.
I’m not afraid of what may come because His will is perfect and precise. I simply need to be willing.
Forget guys… Why rely on something that’ll fade or away or never come to fruition when the Creator of the Universe is calling me into the unknown… As scary as that may sound. But I’m ready to run into the flood of Grace and love.
So let the madness begin.