Today is the day, the day in which you firmly decided that this man was no longer the source of any tears, qualms, or pieces of your broken heart.
You sit in the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror. Your words are kind and simple, yet tenacious. “Come on Katie, you can do this. Put on your big girl panties and move on, be free, prove everyone wrong.”
After listening to your power singleness jam forty times, you carefully apply your makeup and smile.
“Damn girl, you look good. Too bad he never cared to tell you that.”
You get your phone out underneath the pile of used tissues on your bed. You text your tribe of closest girlfriends and announce that “He is no longer any part of your mind, soul, or spirit. Positive mojo only for this girl. No more assholes in my life. Now let’s go kick some serious ass.”
They agree, secretly deep down you think they are saying, “It’s about time. Maybe she will shut up about him now.”
But it has only been a week. You are still processing everything. You are still secretly wondering, hoping more than they could ever know.
Nevertheless, it is go time.
You figure the next logical step to the “New woman, new rules” lifestyle is to Google “How to move on.” After reading five articles saying that you simply need to distract yourself because you deserve better than him, you meander over to Facebook. “Just a quick peek won’t hurt anything,” you think to yourself “He blocked me so I don’t have to worry about seeing anything about him.”
But then the girl he replaced you with comes up on your News Feed. While you cannot prove this fact, you just know deep down. You can feel it in your bones. Even if she denies it till the end of days. “She is prettier than you. No wonder he picked her over you.”
Your heart breaks a little as you realized he liked the pictures of her she posted. “Maybe she gives him what he wants. She can give him the things I refused to give him… Maybe that’s why he dropped kicked me out of his life.”
Your already shattered heart hurts just a little bit more as you realize you were not good enough for him. It all comes flooding around you like the heat from an electric blanket. “You are the one who is alone. She gets him for as long as he allows. You get to be lonely and single once again.” You then realize that you should have never gotten on Facebook.
Later on, when you are lying alone in bed, you cannot help but think about the words he said, the words both spoken and unspoken. You wonder how much of them were true, how many of those words of wanting to dating me were simply lies. But you can’t think about it anymore, you are supposed to be moving on, not pining for an asshole.
You go to sleep, and the next morning, it’s the same cycle. You wake up missing him deeply. But you realize that he is not worth the time, the tears, and the thoughts. He was worth everything to you, now you have to learn make him a distant memory and love.
But then you remember how much you love him. How much he hurt you time and time again.
No woman should have to experience that.
That is what makes the process of moving on an art. The ironies within it are heartbreaking, cyclical even. What no article, friend, or advice cares to mention about moving on, is that it has to be done in your own terms and way.
Moving on is 90% mental. You have to decide for yourself deep inside that there is more to life than pining and hoping and wishing. Because sometimes things don’t end in the best way. Sometimes we don’t get the closure we need from the other person. We have to close the situation for ourselves without the other person.
Even though you are worth an explanation and reason, an “I’m so sorry,” and “please forgive me,” we do not always get that. And somehow that is okay. Because hearing from him would just open up the scabs on your heart that are trying to heal and not leave behind all of the reminders of pain, tears, hurt.
And we simply cannot have that because we are moving on. We are choosing to protect ourselves from anything that once had the power to deeply hurt us.
We can be whatever we want to be, become the woman we once dreamt of being.
I hold the belief that women are some of the strongest creatures to walk this earth. We have the ability to birth children, feel things deeply, love imperfections, and be as free as we damn well choose to be.
So of instead of pining over the “what could have beens” and “should have beens,” you chase those things. We chase freedom without inhibitions, the celebration of being stronger, wiser, and even bolder as a result of this chapter of our life.
We reflect momentarily, but we never let him or the situation linger or even fester in the part of our minds that was once reserved for him.
And then we realize that we have begun the art of moving on.