I will never forget the day during my sophomore year of college when my spiritual mentor informed me that I am a modern-day Jonah, a reluctant prophet. From the day I came to be in a relationship with Jesus Christ, I have maintained a roller coaster relationship with him. Reflecting on my past relationship with God, I can’t help but be in awe of how far He has delivered me from the ups and downs of my life decisions.
For those who are unaware of my current status of my relationship with Christ, I came into full communion with the Catholic Church on February 26, 2017.
If we are being honest with one another, I never in a million years thought I’d be Catholic. Due to my lack of knowledge and understanding of the principles and practices of the Church, I can honestly say that I didn’t think Catholics were Christians. But five years later, many battles fought, a passionate pursuit of truth and understanding of Catholicism, and a single prayer for peace and guidance, I am writing in full faith that my arrival to becoming a passionate practitioner of Catholicism was all of Him.
How can I say something like that?
I was lost and living a sinful life that only destroyed my entire being, far away from God in a state of shame. I told multiple people who were either 1.) curious as to why I would leave my active faith in Protestantism for Catholicism or 2.) at a loss of understanding as to why I would want to convert when I seemed happy being Protestant, that I haven’t ever experienced such a hunger for truth and understanding of God and who He is until I found myself sitting in a pew of a Catholic Church with my new boyfriend seven months ago.
And my decision to convert wasn’t because of MJ, it really wasn’t. But rather it was a result of desperately understanding and seeking to see if the Catholic Church was truly the first Church and all of these things were for Him and His glory.
As my Confirmation Saint, St. Edith Stein, so eloquently phrased it when she spoke of her own conversion to Catholicism, “My longing for truth was a single prayer.”
I was spiritually starved in a way I can’t even begin to explain. I had sought fulfillment down roads my younger self wouldn’t ever be able to grasp or understand. While reflecting on how my faith has evolved from the day my Great Aunt asked me if I knew where I would go when I died almost six years ago, the passionate love of God fills me. I found God and His truths in the same single prayer. It permeates every inch of my being. I feel it in the wind, in the state of kneeling before and after receiving the Eucharist. I feel Him warm and restore my soul as I reconcile my sins before God and am absolved of my sins that once brought me shame.
Reader, I am passionately filled with a love for God that cannot be explained. It fills my soul with joy and hopeful expectations that the Lord will guide and protect me wherever I may be and wherever this life takes me on our journey Home.
My love for Him is as fierce as His is for me.
The fierceness drives me to cling to the Lord in new ways and in an unexplained multitude of strength I pray will never leave or fail me. I am filled with freedom and a passion to proclaim the truth and share His story of my life and how He constantly delivers me from my sinful nature and past. I have been found in the pit of a whale and delivered from trouble and solitude by the maker of the Universe. A God who restores a passion for the faith and for Him that will be used in ways that I cannot begin to fathom.
He is already moving, stirring desires I believed were gone back into life and fruition, proclaiming truths and causing me to deeply discern the path of life He desires me to follow. He wants to speak, to revive the stagnant nature of religion and faith.
He desires to be the Healer, Leader, King of the World, Reviver, Protector, the ultimate fulfillment of our lives and souls.
Because what better being is there to cling to in all chapters of our life story then the one who breathed our stories in existent?
No one, there is absolutely nothing better or sustaining then our God.
My soul is incredibly well in Him,