I feel excluded from most areas of my life. Within families where I think I should feel included, at work, within my own family beyond immediate family, and sometimes in life all together. It’s a point I often find myself asking God,
As David also experienced in the Psalms, my first emotion to this state of being is the extent of my tribulation. My mountain I am facing seems bigger than my desire and drive to climb and victoriously stand on it’s peak in a greater state of worship then at the base of the mountain or in my pursuit of climbing it. It taunts me, makes me question whether or not I should progress in my relationship, continue at my job, try to be more than I am when I am in the presence of society. I feel weak and defeated.
In short, I begin to question and discern every aspect of my life.
As David continues in his Psalms, I begin to cry out to God at a greater rate declaring my battles and my need for a supernatural strength that I cannot muster alone. It requires something greater. I stand on the rocks I have climbed so far on this journey and look at the sky. The vastness and unendingness of the sky reminds me of the power and strength of a God who loves and cares deeply for me. He’s reminding me of who I am, and more importantly, who He is as my God. He spills His identity from himself and over me.
So I reach for the next available rock. I feel a new found strength as I realize how little power my battle holds over me when I surrender my tribulation and weaknesses over to him.
I am weary beyond measure but still I rise. Still, I have strength to pull myself to the next steady rock, one step closer to my God and victory that can only be attributed to Him. I am one step closer to being with Him on the peak of that mountain that tries to defeat me.
Often in David’s Psalms he begins to realize that even though his enemies may rise in numbers, his God will reign over all and lead him into battle prepared, bold and secure in His unfailing and extravagant love and strength that He desperately wants to guide us with. And in the end, all my defeated heart can sing are praises of worship of How great our God is. I was once defeated, sitting in a crumpled mess, letting my circumstances get the best of me when all it took was to look up at the master of the universe. I needed to turn my eyes away from what was in front of me and upon Him.
Sitting here, thinking about my immediate perspective change in the time it’s taking me to write this post, God begins to reveal to me that my circumstances didn’t need to change. My mountain didn’t need to be easier to change or I didn’t need to simply let go and fall off the mountain in defeat. I just needed to bring him into the circumstances… I needed to be Christ-like, when everything within me wanted to run, pretend that what was happening to me just was not happening to me. I needed to be the bigger person and be the person that the people within my circumstances were not being.
Because He made me fighter, clothed in strength and dignity for all of my days. He made me brave, fearless when my fears threaten to taunt me. He made me bold, courageous, and most importantly, He made me His. I am my beloved’s and He is mine eternally. And He created me to be vessel of His, shedding His light, love, and grace to those who least deserve it. Because I don’t deserve being redeemed and submerged in His unending Grace.
Yet here I am.
Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer!
From the ends of the earth I call;
my heart grows faint.
Raise me up, set me on a rock,
for you are my refuge,
a tower of strength against the foe.
Let me dwell in your tent forever,
take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
Psalm 61:1-5 NABRE
Be Strong and Christ-like Reader, The world needs it desperately.